My Journey

My journey into meditation and awakening began early. My first memory around the age of 2 or 3 is staring into the rings of a tree stump and hearing someone behind me, probably my father, say, “That’s time.” Something about that moment opened a sense of wonder and curiosity that never left me. I became a seeker from that moment forward.

As I grew up, I asked deep questions and quickly realized that surface answers didn’t satisfy me. That inner drive eventually led me to study philosophy. I read miles of philosophy. I could follow the arguments, and sometimes I’d get that rush of insight—but that 'aha moment' never stuck. The insights stayed in the head. They didn’t touch the ground of my being.

Through writers like Krishnamurti and Ken Wilber, I began to understand that transformation wouldn’t come from thought alone. It had to come through direct experience—through awareness itself. Krishnamurti’s teachings, like “the observer is the observed” and "you are the world" confused me at first. It wasn’t until much later that I understood them through lived experience. That’s one of the things I now teach: awakening isn’t something you can grasp intellectually. You have to leave thought and live into it.

In 1998, I took a meditation class at a community college led by a Korean Zen nun in Seung Sahn's lineage. That class opened the door to Buddhist practice. She took us on field trips to temples around Chicago, exposing us to different forms of Buddhism. On my first retreat with the head Roshi of her lineage, I was introduced to the koan “Who am I?” and the practice of answering with “Don’t know.” That marked the beginning of an experiential path looking beyond thought for real answers.

I went on to practice at a Thai Theravāda wat near my home, studying with monks from Thailand, Sri Lanka, and the U.S. Many of whom were influenced by Ajahn Buddhadasa. His teachings, along with theirs, grounded me deeply in the core of Buddhist philosophy and meditation, especially ānāpānasati (breath-based awareness).

In 2003, during a 10-day retreat, I experienced kensho a sudden, clear seeing into the nature of mind. My teacher called it an experience of emptiness. I didn’t have the language for it then (nonduality and emptiness) but it marked a major shift in my life. I was forever changed. I entered a 24/7 state of nondual awareness that I would only come to fully understand years later. As a teacher now, I often meet students who’ve had glimpses that were similar but haven’t sustained or integrated them yet. I help them make sense of those experiences and use them as a foundation for continued growth.

In 2014, I took Finders Course 3 to deepen my own practice and to expand what I could offer my students. That’s when I learned that my kensho experience had landed me in what Dr. Jeffery Martin calls Location 2. Through my own experimentation during the course, I developed a unique noting technique that brought me to Location 4. In 2023, I transitioned to Location 5, and the unfolding has accelerated since. What I’ve learned and now share with students is that awakening is not a finish line. It’s a living process. A continuum. Each step brings greater clarity, freedom, and ease. And best of all: it’s available right here and right now! It's not reserved for mystics or monks, it’s something you can access, too, with the right tools and some guidance.